Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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