Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
