So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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