Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
