he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
