I need help removing her.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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