my mouth tastes like poor choices
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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