and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
