No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
