i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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