I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
