He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
