yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
