i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
