I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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