So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
