There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
