He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
