I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
