This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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