Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
