You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
