I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
