is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
