I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
