I think I am morally bankrupt
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
