I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
