Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
There are leaves in my underwear?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
