He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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