Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
