i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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