OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
accomplished twins. life is a go
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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