do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
