This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
