six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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