i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
