its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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