i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
