I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I have aggressive nipples.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
