tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
