wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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