you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
