He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
