I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
