Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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