I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Randomize