bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
