i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
