I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
