And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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