I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
