like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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