My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
