My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
