i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
