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I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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