just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
We got so high we made milksteak
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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