I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
