you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
