If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
