I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
