id be glad to
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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