whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
