Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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