After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
