she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize