Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
