I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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