I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
