first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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