Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
