How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
