I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Randomize
