I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
