meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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