I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
